shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Randomize
