I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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