that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
my sisters under your porch take her home
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
