I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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