Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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