VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
