No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
my liver is dry heaving
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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