All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
