dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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