A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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