My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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