Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
