He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
