I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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