They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize