i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize