: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
