I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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