Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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