Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
