U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize