I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
