wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
