Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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