i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
