their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
