I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
