your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
