Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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