is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
