whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
