there were more penises there than on chat roulette
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
