I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I need a beard to bite.
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