There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
