If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Welp...herpes.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
you will always have a special place in my vag
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
50% drunk capacity currently
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
