last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
