you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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