This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
