Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
