I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize