so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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