i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
