i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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