You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He better not be in your backpack
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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