i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
