when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
