By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize