did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
