Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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