Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
