Sponge bath it is.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
we're so committed to being not committed
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
