ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
