Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
