he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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