Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Randomize
