Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It's official drugs can't kill me
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
