tell your sister to shave her snatch
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize