Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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