dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Drunk is not a location!
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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