Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
