So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
only you would photoshop your dick
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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