Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
