He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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