Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
