Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Success! We fucked roommates!
He shit in the fireplace
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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