can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
