I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
