I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
