Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize