If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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