And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
