I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Randomize
