For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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