I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
These tits shall not be calmed
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
