Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
