Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize