Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
