Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize