i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
