I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
