he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We just shotgunned beers for America
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
