God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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