I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
