Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
