you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Boobs speak an international language.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
