My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
