I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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