Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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