Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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