Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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