I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
