i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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