Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
