I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
