i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
