At least make sure they are 18
Why
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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