the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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