what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
