I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you didnt know i had herpes?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
